Friday, February 25, 2011

Unanswered questions? Okay!

In chapel this past week, we talked about service. Pastor Baart mentioned that there are endless opportunities for service anywhere in the world because of all the hurt and sin in the world. This truth has been something I have been struggling with quite a bit lately. In fact, I even blogged about it a couple blogs ago. I became excited, thinking Pastor Baart was going to address the decision-making aspect of service: How do you decide WHERE God wants you to serve? After being convicted by all the needs I have seen in Nicaragua and a few of my courses, I have really been struggling trying to decide where God could use my gifts best. I sat back, ready to finally have my question answered from a biblical perspective.

Unfortunately, Pastor Baart switched gears completely and said that many individuals get to this point and begin to worry about themselves. "I have needs, too," is a common excuse you may hear people try to use to get out of serving the needs of others. He also said that the worst day on Dordt's campus would be the day when everyone put their self-interests above everyone else. Service begins with having a servant heart--a heart that puts others first.

Now don't get me wrong, this lesson is definitely an important one to understand. And sure, I was convicted of my need to continue working on putting others first...always. However, I find it pretty ironic that I was slightly miffed that the chapel message didn't go in the direction I wanted it to. After thinking about my reaction to Pastor Baart choosing a different direction for his message, I shudder at the close ties of my response to Pastor Baart's message. I wanted to get something out of the message. I wanted it to address what I wanted to hear. I wanted it to answer my questions. When it didn't, my selfish, sinful drive kicked it, and I was frustrated.

Chapel lesson learned: All questions don't have instant answers.

Oh boy, this lesson is a tough one, especially for me, the loser of every patience test I have ever experienced. However, another point of irony is that realizing all questions don't have answers helped me answer one of my questions. The lesson has been on my mind for the last couple days because of the amount of mystery and unknown surrounding my own future.

And yet, through the confusion and unanswered questions, I have realized a few things. Maybe, just maybe, God's not going to make it loudly obvious where He wants me to serve. Maybe, just maybe, God's not going to throw the geographical coordinates of an area in need on the side of a blimp and fly it over my head every day. Maybe, just maybe, God's not even going to send me to my life-long mission destination the first time. In fact, maybe I won't even have one long-term home to serve from. Maybe, just maybe, I'll move around often... serving diverse needs wherever I go. Yes, God's going to use me to serve His kingdom and people. But as of now, I don't have a clue where that will be. Finally, for the first time in my life, I think I can honestly say I'm completely content with that.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Growling Shalom

Exhibit A: Peaceful 2-year-old named Savannah.


Exhibit B: Every other moment BUT the one I captured here.

Yep, I babysat again last night. I learned a couple of lessons from babysitting. First, I have an extremely poor short-term memory. I was expecting a four-month-old and a teenage mother. The mom is probably in her mid-thirties, and her daughter is definitely in her "terrible twos."

For the first hour of babysitting, we painted pictures together. Savannah said very little but was more interested in painting my picture than hers. After wiping the paint off her shirt, arms, fingers, hands, face, hair, and toes (don't ask me how she managed to get paint on her toes), we went into the living room to play with some toys. Savannah grabbed a book and came over to sit on my lap. I took the book, read it, and she stood up and walked over to the couch. "Savannah," I said, "Would you like to play with your Etch-a-Sketch now?" "Urrrgh," she grunted. I suggested a few other toys and each was met with a louder "urrrgh." Finally, I crawled over to her and was about to comfort her to try and figure out what was wrong, when she reared her arm back, balled up her fist, and attempted to punch me. I gently scolded her and the grunting continued. Finally, I crawled into the middle of her pile of toys and began playing with them myself. She continued grunting and growling for about a half an hour until she fell asleep standing up with her head laying on the couch. I woke her up for dinner, fed her some pizza, popped in a Dora movie, and she was surprisingly content. If I tried to talk to her, she growled and grunted, so I left her alone. When bedtime came, she was perfect. We put on her pj's, walked upstairs, read a book before bed, and I shut out the light. I walked downstairs and settled in to do some homework for the next three hours before her mother would return. Over the course of the longest three hours of my life, Savannah came downstairs seven times, crying for her mom. I comforted her each time, but eventually, she ended up sleeping in the recliner next to me. And it was there that she woke up yet again ... as soon as her mom walked in the door.

Needless to say, it was a rough night babysitting. Perhaps my roughest. And yet, in the midst of the frustrating, hectic night with a grumpy little girl, I was able to glimpse a little bit of God's beauty and perfection. When Savannah finally fell asleep in the chair, she had an adorable, peaceful smirk on her face. It wasn't a smirk of mischief; it was a smirk of complete shalom. After hours of grunting and growling at me, she had finally achieved peace and contentment at rest.

The second lesson I learned while babysitting has to do with the peace I observed. Maybe, in the midst of our frustrating, hectic, sin-filled lives, we do not take enough time for this peace and contentment with God. We focus so much on complaining and whining about how much is going or can go wrong in our lives that we completely miss the opportunity to simply sit back in perfect shalom with our Father and enjoy the rest He freely gives. So, today, take a moment to spend some silence with your Father. Soak up His love, enjoy the radiant promise of His grace and mercy, and rest in the knowledge of His unfailing love.

SHALOM.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Saturday ROCKS!


Today was the most unproductive Saturday of my life, and yet it rocked. I slept in until 9:30, woke up, and slowly got ready for the day. Around 10:30, one of my best friends from high school picked me up, and we headed to The Fruited Plain for a coffee date. We chatted for a little over an hour, and I learned SO much about the beautiful daughter of God. She's getting married at the beginning of June, so needless to say, it's sometimes hard to find time to hang out with her because she spent a lot of time with her fiance in high school and her first two years of college. Now knowing she has the rest of her life to spend with him, she's much more eager and willing to hang out with her high school friends. Did I feel slighted in high school, though? Nope. I had a boyfriend for awhile... he came.. he went.. and my friends were still there. Friends, for the most part, will always be there. She wanted her guy to always be there, so she spent time with him, and now he is :) After discussing wedding plans and updating her on my non-existent (I'm okay with that) love life, we started discussing our futures and our faiths. This part was LEGIT. The girl and her future hubby are interested in missions! Whaaa?? If you follow my blog at all, you'll realize I AM TOO! She (that beautiful girl in the yellow) and her fiance have this passion for people and the pain in the world. He'll be a teacher; she'll be a nurse--perfecto! How refreshing it was to hear a high school friend talk about her faith, this type of conversation with an old friend is unfortunately rare.


After our wonderful coffee date, I ate some rather disgusting lunch in The Commons, and headed to the other girls' dorm with a close friend and future roommate of mine. We chilled in her room for awhile and talked about a few personal struggles of ours with her roommate and her twin sister (two separate people). The twins are those babes in the picture :) Afterwards, we prayed. We sat in a circle on her futon, joined hands, and prayed for patience..peace..understanding..and our brothers in Christ. It was beautiful, and God truly answered the peace prayer immediately.


Next, I wandered down the stairs. On the way down, I ran into another beautiful sister in Christ: my RA from freshmen year. This girl is a beautiful, living example of Christ's love and exhibits the gentleness and grace that He calls His daughters to portray. Did I also mention that she gives the BEST hugs? She knew of the struggles I have recently been dealing with, and could see that my mind was slightly consumed with thoughts at the moment. Silently, she gathered me in her arms and squeezed the life out of me for a full five minutes. We looked at each other, she quietly mentioned that she was praying for me, and I continued down the stairs.

Off to visit one last friend, I ran into a good friend and her boyfriend in the first floor kitchen. They had just finished washing dishes from a lunch they had made together and were excited to see me. I poked my head in,, only intending to say a quick "hello," and ended up getting advice from the mature, Christ-centered relationship halves for about half an hour.

Finally, I wandered into a wing to apologize to a dear friend for a misunderstanding we had experienced earlier that week. The misunderstanding had turned into an avoidance, and I desperately missed her energetic life and smile in my life. I, being the cause of the misunderstanding, asked for forgiveness, we talked, hugged, laughed, and are praising God through our friendship once again.

After the last conversation, I realized I would soon be late for babysitting, so I ran out the door and have been babysitting ever since. For the most unproductive Saturday of my college career, it sure has been a blessing! God's love, blessing, and redeeming grace was evident through all my conversations and run-ins. What a beautiful, truly blessed day it was!


Oh, and I almost forgot! As I headed out of my friend's room, I bumped into a dear friend who had transferred from Dordt this semester and come back to visit her old friends for a week. Ah, so WONDERFUL... God is good. He is so, so good to me!

And Janelle, I've missed you. It's so good to have you back for a week :)

Unconditional Dinosaur Love

Two posts...within 24 hours of each other. This blogging business is getting serious.

So as I mentioned earlier, I spent some time babysitting tonight. Actually, I only babysat for two hours, while the boys' parents attended the Prairie Grass Film Festival on campus. Surprisingly, though, these boys taught me an astonishing lesson in those short hours. They taught me a lesson that I already knew, but they made the truth of the lesson even more real and evident to me.

Lesson learned: For an English major, I suck at storytelling...

...the good thing is, kids don't care. Before tucking the boys in for bed, I decided to make up the story I had promised them earlier in the night. Knowing that their favorite animal was a dinosaur, I knew what my main character had to be. The story went a little like this...

Once upon a time, there were two dinosaurs. The T-Rex was stomping through the woods when a Pterodactyl came flying at him and wrapped his wings around him to give him a big hug. Thinking the Pterodactyl was attacking him, the T-Rex threw the other dinosaur on the ground. Realizing it was supposed to be a hug, the T-Rex quickly rushed over and saved the Pterodactyl's life. The dinosaurs became lifelong friends and lived happily ever after.



Okay, so the story was a little more detailed than that. I gave the dinosaurs the names of the two boys I was babysitting and made the story into a biblical lesson on how God calls us to love our neighbors, care for them, and not hurt them. But still, it was pathetic. The forgiving thing was, these boys absolutely loved it. I was lying on their bed, and they were sitting up intently watching my actions, listening to my legit dinosaur sound effects, and reacting at the perfect times! The kids were kind of an awesome analogy for God's relationship with us. God watches us mess up ALL the time... he listens to our lame excuses... hears our deepest, darkest, most sin-infested thoughts.. knows better than anyone else that we are terrible mess-ups.. and yet, He loves us. Now the boys may not have known how awful my story really was, but they did know I messed up the dinosaur names and listened to my awful story, and yet, they showed me love. They gave me a hug and politely thanked me for the "really cool dinosaur story!" Their love, like God's, was unconditional.

REAL lesson learned: God's love is unconditional. I learned this long ago, still read about it in the Bible, and know it's true. And yet, how can we find such a perfect example? Humans are sinful...SO sinful. Any love we get from humans is doomed to fail us. Friendships, relationships, all of it.. there are always slip-ups, mishaps, and failures. Love is so often conditional in human relations. However, in the eyes of these little boys, I was worth all of their love. I had played with them, fed them snacks, squirmed on the floor like a crocodile, and demonstrated the best lion roar they had ever heard. But yet, there's that word, "worth," again. In their eyes, I was "worth" all their love. Why do we have to always be WORTH love? Why? Why? WHY? Why can't we just freely give love to one another, regardless of if the other is worth that love. Again, I argue that, in part, the boys' love was unconditional. They loved me before I even walked in the door. They loved me, and yet, they didn't know me. God loves us...always...forever...because He simply does. How BEAUTIFUL is that?!

In addition, a smaller lesson I learned is that God's truth and beauty CAN be recognized on a daily basis.. in his creation (the boys). Yes, the creation will still be marred by sin until the day Jesus returns, but there's a glimpse of purity everywhere, if you will only slow down and notice it.

After reading this, please take something away from it. Seek to give unconditional love. In fact, seek to give love that wouldn't be given if conditional. Give love freely to your enemies. And finally, look for God's beauty; it's all around you.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Busy? Stop what you're doing and just pray.

It's been a really long week. Homework piled up. Classes dragged on. I spent way too much time in the library doing way too little. Now, it's the weekend. Unfortunately, my weekend is looking just as busy as my week. Now filled with homework AND social events, I am not really sure how I'm going to make it through. At the edge of despair and just about to lock myself in my room for the weekend, I wandered out of the library at 4:30, praying for some part of my weekend to provide me with peace and rest. All of a sudden, I realized I had signed up for 24/7 prayer at 5 PM every Friday night. (We signed up for prayer times and spend an hour praying for campus...life...really, anything we want to pray for.) Suddenly, I got really excited. After stopping by Student Services, I headed to the prayer room and spent the next hour lying on the floor, praying aloud to my only comfort in life: My SAVIOR. That hour was by far the best hour of my week. The Lord was SO present at that moment. I spoke outloud to my Father...told him of my struggles, my needs, Dordt's needs, everything...and he listened. An hour later, I sat up, gathered my things, and headed to the Commons for dinner. After quickly eating some pizza, I watched a few films at the Prairie Grass Film Festival, headed back to my room, and am now off to babysit. Sure, I still have a busy, stressful weekend ahead, but for one hour, I was able to clear my head...spend time with my loving Father.. and forget about that. And now, after that blessed hour, I have a renewed trust that God will get me through this weekend. Thanks, Father, for your continuous surprise and love for Your daughter.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I can't do it all.

I am officially overwhelmed. Being a college student, you may assume that I'm overwhelmed by coursework and campus involvement. Although I do have quite a bit of homework and numerous meetings and events to attend, being a college student actually isn't overwhelming me. Yes, I've spent a couple nights staying in the library until it closes. Heck, I even woke up at 6 AM the past two mornings just to have a few extra hours in my day for homework. So sure, I'm busy, but what is really overwhelming me began over Christmas break and has continued through the semester.

Over Christmas break, I spent eleven days in Managua, Nicaragua on a short-term missions trip through Dordt's AMOR program. Our team consisted of nine students, one admissions counselor, and a retired missionary. We built a classroom, painted just about every wall in Managua, practiced some Spanglish, and learned more from the Nicaraguan Christians' faith than they learned from our interactions with them. While there, we also saw some severe poverty and corruption. Every home we saw was in need of repair. Over half of the students at school were sponsored to go to school because their parents could not provide the $4 it cost to send their children to school. We visited La Casa de Esperanza (The House of Hope), a mission serving the Nicaraguan people by rescuing children from the city's brothels and providing them with homes, food, and the Gospel. All our water was bottled or filtered because of the lack of pure water in Managua. Hospitals were few and far between, and even when those in need could get to a hospital, the nurses were quite unskilled and often lacked appropriate supplies.

Enter this semester. Three courses provide perfect case studies to explain my overwhelmed feelings.

Geography. A course for a middle school social studies endorsement. I was not excited about it. Memorizing maps and types of landmasses did not sound exciting to me. I have definitely never been a busy work/memorization fan. On the first day of class, Jolynn--a lively, energetic adjunct from Northwestern College--blew my expectations out the door. She introduced our major, regular assignments: world issue and regional research papers. The first world issue paper was assigned, and I decided to focus on child sex trafficking and slavery after my experience at La Casa de Esperanza. Whew. It's all over. People die every day due to STD's, violence, and hunger from the prostitution and brothel life. Regional paper assigned. Issue: Causes of poverty in Sub-Saharan Africa. The causes were immense. After a quick Google search, I had to narrow down a list of over 25 causes to the biggest three for my paper. This is real, I thought, SO real.

Linguistics. I decided to complete a KSP Contract for this course, simply because the class has fascinated me from day one. After hearing about the 10,000 Australian Aboriginal children kidnapped by the government and sent to live with white Australian families in an attempt to get rid of the Aboriginal culture and language, I knew what I needed to research and write about.

KSP Book Discussion. Book being discussed: Enrique's Journey. The non-fiction book, written by a journalist, is the true story of a Honduran boy's journey to America to find his mother, who immigrated illegally when he was five--ten years before he began the journey. The book is gripping, devastating, heart-wrenching, and controversial. Never an expert on the immigration process, I am learning so much about the regulations and complications surrounding immigration to the United States. Hearing the stories of immigrants who lose limbs and lives by riding trains North to America sheds a whole new light on the situation.

That said, you may see why I am overwhelmed. There's so much that needs to be done. There are so many people in need of help. There are SO many ways to help. I know I want to go into mission work, but what do I do? I'll be skilled to teach English, but is English really enough? After I graduate, where do I go? How do I know where God's calling me to go? Brooke Fraser, in her song, "Albertine," writes the line, "Now that I have seen, I am responsible." I've seen. I'm responsible.. for all of this? For now, I'm simply trusting God.. waiting on His will to happen.. and praying for the problems in the world.