Christmas was when?

Does anybody else think this holiday season felt weird? Busy with a crazy semester and time-consuming final projects, the festiveness of the season didn't hit me until after finals. Sure, we decorated our dorm room, made Christmas cards, blasted the Josh Groban Christmas CD, and put up a few trees around our dorm building, but it was all just me going through the holiday happiness motions. When listening to the radio, I searched and searched to find a station without Christmas music. I bought my family and friends' presents on Black Friday, wrapped them all, and put them in the back of my closet. I sent a short Christmas list containing mainly book titles to my mom around Thanksgiving also, and never daydreamed about what I would be getting for Christmas. Sure, I sang in the Christmas cantata, but it was at the beginning of December. Grandpa died the week before caroling, so we were gone for the annual caroling. I even dressed up as an angel (No, you can never be too old) for our church Christmas pageant, and greeted people I hadn't seen since last Christmas. I sang the Christmas hymns at church, ate more than my share of Christmas cookies, and edited the Janssen Family Christmas letter for my mom. In the past month, I have done so much Christmas-y stuff, yet it's three days after Christmas and it still doesn't feel like it's Christmas. As I've struggled to get excited about the holiday season and reflected on why it may feel so weird, the answer I discovered made me smile...

Maybe, the reason I think it didn't feel like Christmas is because of my distorted view of Christmas. Since I was a little girl, I've known that the "Reason for the season" is the birth of Christ. Jesus was born to the Virgin Mary, who was betrothed to Joseph, a carpenter. An angel of the Lord appeared to some shepherds, frightened them, and they followed a star to find Jesus in a stable in Bethlehem. Wisemen sent to search for the Baby Future-King Jesus knelt down at his cradle and gave him magnificent gifts. Etc... I know the Christmas story. I know the Christmas hymns. However, no matter the amount of head knowledge I have about the real reason to celebrate Christmas, this knowledge has been blocked from becoming heart knowledge because of the crazy consumerism of American society. I hate to admit it, but I think I've always thought of the Nativity and everything that goes with it as cheesy. Everywhere I look, I see Santa. Right next to him and his reindeer, I see huge plastic Mary and Josephs kneeling by a plastic baby wrapped in plastic swaddling clothes. Christmas lights surround the scene, evergreen wreaths adorn the wall of the stable, and a Christmas tree surrounded by colorful gifts is usually somewhere nearby.

In the past, I've spent the days leading up to Christmas anticipating the awesome gifts my parents have gotten me. I get excited for the 50 dollar bill Grandma always gives us, and for the candy sacks we always get after the Christmas pageant. I love watching It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, and the Santa Clause movies. As I've already said, this year was a bit different. I was SO busy this semester. It was really quite unbelievable. Meetings, homework, and people consumed my life. With the craziness at the end of the semester, I never even had a chance to think about celebrating the commercial Christmas holiday. Sure, I wrapped a few gifts and my roommate put some lights up in the room, but in general, I didn't even realize it was almost Christmas and have yet to fully get excited about the holidays. Sad? Maybe, but when I realize why I didn't care, I find hope and thank God for his gracious love and forgiveness.

So what hope did I find, in my lack of excitement and celebration this holiday season? I found the hope that maybe, just maybe, I was able to look past the crazy holiday celebrations and reflect on the real reason for the season. Maybe, just maybe, I was able to continue living my life of glory and dedication to my Savior without As you already may know, my Grandpa Janssen passed away about a week before Christmas. He had been slowly dying for several months, so it wasn't a huge shock, but it still made for quite a depressing week before Christmas. However, as this was the first close funeral I can remember, I learned a few things. First, you learn a lot of new information about the person who died when all the family is together reminiscing and celebrating their life. The second thing I learned is the dedication that's possible in over 50 years of marriage. My grandparents celebrated their 50 Year Anniversary back when I was in middle school or younger. After that many years of marriage, they had raised four children, had their share of squabbles, and still loved each other. My grandmother spent every waking moment of my grandfather's last 5-6 months of life alongside Grandpa. She drove back and forth to the hospital or nursing home daily, staying overnight several times. Towards the end of his life, Grandpa didn't usually recognize me, but he always recognized his wife. They had stuck with each other through the good times and the bad and built a relationship based in Christ's love. Maybe, just maybe, the reason I was unable to celebrate the holidays like usual was because my view of the holidays was changed. Christmas really is about the birth of Christ, my Savior. It's about a God who shows more dedication to us than a wife ever could to her husband of almost 60 years. It's about a love greater than any human love that can ever exist. So maybe, just maybe, instead of celebrating the Christmas season like I always have, I was consumed with the hope and love of Jesus Christ as God revealed these awesome truths of the real meaning of Christmas to me. Instead of celebrating consumerism, I was able to celebrate the 87 year life of a wonderful, Godly man; the long, loving, human relationship between two relatives and role models of mine; and most importantly, I was able to celebrate the birth of a Savior who demonstrated the greatest love of all and a God who revealed--once again--my failures and His perfection to me.

By the way, for anyone who is curious, this is the awesome man I've talked about in more than one of my blogs by now. Vernon Janssen...avid tea drinker, farmer at heart forever, euchre master, and loving grandfather. Can't wait to see you in Heaven!

Opportunity knocks. Do I answer?

I've never really been outside of Iowa. I mean, sure, I have a lengthy list of travel experience: Illinois, South Dakota, Minnesota, Kansas, Colorado, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Germany, Luxembourg, France...Nicaragua in a week, Virginia in June. So yeah, I've been "out" of Iowa, but I haven't really "lived" outside of Iowa. The trips have all been a weekend, week, or couple of weeks, but living and visiting are definitely two very different concepts.

Fortunately, opportunity's knocking for this Midwestern, non-farm girl from the middle of nowhere. I'm currently in Illinois with my family, not to celebrate the birth of our Savior, but to celebrate the 87 years of life Grandpa lived after he passed away early in the morning last week Thursday. My first experience losing someone this close to me, the feelings, emotions, and happenings are worthy of a whole new blog post...to be posted later. However, one thing is for sure. Preparing for a funeral can be awkward. My dad's siblings have flown in to stay with my grandma, so we have had plenty of time to sit around and talk. On Saturday evening, soon after we finally arrived in Illinois, Mom, Dad's sister, Grandma, and I were sitting around the living room discussing my future when Dad's older sister, Aunt Cheryl, suddenly became interested in my summer plans.

"Do you have a job this summer, Kristin?" she curiously demanded. When I answered that I would probably just work at the pool again and maybe get a job at my college but that I wasn't really sure, she quickly blurted out that Colorado had many great job opportunities. In addition, she offered me her condo in Boulder for the entire summer, as her daughter (my cousin) who lives in it during school would be in Chile for the summer. Whew! What an offer! I, a girl who has never lived out of Northwest Iowa, could live in a big city...by myself! I texted my best friend--who LOVES Colorado and has camped there many times--and she seemed very interested. My cousin was willing to suggest jobs for us, and we would only need to pay for gas, food, and laundry. Plus, I could finally get some experience living semi-"on my own," since my college is 20 minutes away from home and my mom still does my laundry.

So now I have an AWESOME opportunity. But...it's also a dilemma. My brother graduates in May, I have three friends getting married this summer--one in May, one in June, and one in July. The friend getting married in June is one of my best friends, and I could never imagine missing her wedding. My mom's in the midst of planning a vacation to Virginia Beach to visit her sister and family in the middle of June--I love beaches, not to mention my cousins. I'm sure there are more conflicts that I'm forgetting, but I just can't decide. I could most likely make the wedding, if I drove back or didn't head to Colorado until after the first week of June, but I might miss a free trip to VA and time with my cousins, along with other friend's weddings. But Colorado...GORGEOUS Colorado...

Ah. Decisions. I hate them. Enough said.

There isn't any Alzheimers in Heaven :)

I have no real opinion on change.

It's the end of semester number three and I'm amazed at how much I've grown. My life has changed pretty drastically, my faith has grown remarkably, and the people I call my best friends were strangers a year ago. I started the semester with an almost-boyfriend, developed a real and loving relationship with my mother, watched my favorite cousin get married, decided to become a missionary, changed my major yet again, rejected my old friends, developed some new friends, and experienced the death of my first grandparent.

Through it all, I've decided I have no opinion on change. I used to love change: I rearranged my room at least once a month, cut my hair drastically once a year, dyed my hair often, and was constantly shopping for clothing to fit my "new style." Then I hated change: My brother went off to college; I went off to college; My friends moved on; My ex-boyfriend moved on. And now, after the most overwhelming and spiritually-challenging semester of my life, I both like and dislike change. Thus, I have no real opinion on change. If it's in God's will, it's going to happen. So if change is in God's will, it'll happen. If it's not, it won't.

I love the changing seasons. I love rearranging my room. I love reorganizing. I still love changing my hair, proved by the hair appointment I have next week to chop it all off. I hate change when it involves people (for the most part.)I love getting a new roommate, but I dreadfully miss the deep conversations my old roommates and I had as we fell asleep. I miss my high school friends (who aren't in high school anymore), and I REALLY miss my family and older brother, but I love that my older brother is a genius and already accepted at one med school for next year for sure. I hate change when it involves people (for the most part.) In the past couple days, I have said goodbye to four close friends who I actually may actually never see again. In the past day, I've internally grieved and said goodbye to my grandpa after he passed away. Although, I guess I've been saying goodbye for the past year or so.

Change is good. Change is bad. The point is, change is inevitable. Instead of dwelling on all the negative or positive changes that have happened this year, I prefer to lavish in Christ's love and God's unique creation that enables change (or no change!).