Christmas was when?

Does anybody else think this holiday season felt weird? Busy with a crazy semester and time-consuming final projects, the festiveness of the season didn't hit me until after finals. Sure, we decorated our dorm room, made Christmas cards, blasted the Josh Groban Christmas CD, and put up a few trees around our dorm building, but it was all just me going through the holiday happiness motions. When listening to the radio, I searched and searched to find a station without Christmas music. I bought my family and friends' presents on Black Friday, wrapped them all, and put them in the back of my closet. I sent a short Christmas list containing mainly book titles to my mom around Thanksgiving also, and never daydreamed about what I would be getting for Christmas. Sure, I sang in the Christmas cantata, but it was at the beginning of December. Grandpa died the week before caroling, so we were gone for the annual caroling. I even dressed up as an angel (No, you can never be too old) for our church Christmas pageant, and greeted people I hadn't seen since last Christmas. I sang the Christmas hymns at church, ate more than my share of Christmas cookies, and edited the Janssen Family Christmas letter for my mom. In the past month, I have done so much Christmas-y stuff, yet it's three days after Christmas and it still doesn't feel like it's Christmas. As I've struggled to get excited about the holiday season and reflected on why it may feel so weird, the answer I discovered made me smile...

Maybe, the reason I think it didn't feel like Christmas is because of my distorted view of Christmas. Since I was a little girl, I've known that the "Reason for the season" is the birth of Christ. Jesus was born to the Virgin Mary, who was betrothed to Joseph, a carpenter. An angel of the Lord appeared to some shepherds, frightened them, and they followed a star to find Jesus in a stable in Bethlehem. Wisemen sent to search for the Baby Future-King Jesus knelt down at his cradle and gave him magnificent gifts. Etc... I know the Christmas story. I know the Christmas hymns. However, no matter the amount of head knowledge I have about the real reason to celebrate Christmas, this knowledge has been blocked from becoming heart knowledge because of the crazy consumerism of American society. I hate to admit it, but I think I've always thought of the Nativity and everything that goes with it as cheesy. Everywhere I look, I see Santa. Right next to him and his reindeer, I see huge plastic Mary and Josephs kneeling by a plastic baby wrapped in plastic swaddling clothes. Christmas lights surround the scene, evergreen wreaths adorn the wall of the stable, and a Christmas tree surrounded by colorful gifts is usually somewhere nearby.

In the past, I've spent the days leading up to Christmas anticipating the awesome gifts my parents have gotten me. I get excited for the 50 dollar bill Grandma always gives us, and for the candy sacks we always get after the Christmas pageant. I love watching It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, and the Santa Clause movies. As I've already said, this year was a bit different. I was SO busy this semester. It was really quite unbelievable. Meetings, homework, and people consumed my life. With the craziness at the end of the semester, I never even had a chance to think about celebrating the commercial Christmas holiday. Sure, I wrapped a few gifts and my roommate put some lights up in the room, but in general, I didn't even realize it was almost Christmas and have yet to fully get excited about the holidays. Sad? Maybe, but when I realize why I didn't care, I find hope and thank God for his gracious love and forgiveness.

So what hope did I find, in my lack of excitement and celebration this holiday season? I found the hope that maybe, just maybe, I was able to look past the crazy holiday celebrations and reflect on the real reason for the season. Maybe, just maybe, I was able to continue living my life of glory and dedication to my Savior without As you already may know, my Grandpa Janssen passed away about a week before Christmas. He had been slowly dying for several months, so it wasn't a huge shock, but it still made for quite a depressing week before Christmas. However, as this was the first close funeral I can remember, I learned a few things. First, you learn a lot of new information about the person who died when all the family is together reminiscing and celebrating their life. The second thing I learned is the dedication that's possible in over 50 years of marriage. My grandparents celebrated their 50 Year Anniversary back when I was in middle school or younger. After that many years of marriage, they had raised four children, had their share of squabbles, and still loved each other. My grandmother spent every waking moment of my grandfather's last 5-6 months of life alongside Grandpa. She drove back and forth to the hospital or nursing home daily, staying overnight several times. Towards the end of his life, Grandpa didn't usually recognize me, but he always recognized his wife. They had stuck with each other through the good times and the bad and built a relationship based in Christ's love. Maybe, just maybe, the reason I was unable to celebrate the holidays like usual was because my view of the holidays was changed. Christmas really is about the birth of Christ, my Savior. It's about a God who shows more dedication to us than a wife ever could to her husband of almost 60 years. It's about a love greater than any human love that can ever exist. So maybe, just maybe, instead of celebrating the Christmas season like I always have, I was consumed with the hope and love of Jesus Christ as God revealed these awesome truths of the real meaning of Christmas to me. Instead of celebrating consumerism, I was able to celebrate the 87 year life of a wonderful, Godly man; the long, loving, human relationship between two relatives and role models of mine; and most importantly, I was able to celebrate the birth of a Savior who demonstrated the greatest love of all and a God who revealed--once again--my failures and His perfection to me.

By the way, for anyone who is curious, this is the awesome man I've talked about in more than one of my blogs by now. Vernon Janssen...avid tea drinker, farmer at heart forever, euchre master, and loving grandfather. Can't wait to see you in Heaven!

Opportunity knocks. Do I answer?

I've never really been outside of Iowa. I mean, sure, I have a lengthy list of travel experience: Illinois, South Dakota, Minnesota, Kansas, Colorado, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Germany, Luxembourg, France...Nicaragua in a week, Virginia in June. So yeah, I've been "out" of Iowa, but I haven't really "lived" outside of Iowa. The trips have all been a weekend, week, or couple of weeks, but living and visiting are definitely two very different concepts.

Fortunately, opportunity's knocking for this Midwestern, non-farm girl from the middle of nowhere. I'm currently in Illinois with my family, not to celebrate the birth of our Savior, but to celebrate the 87 years of life Grandpa lived after he passed away early in the morning last week Thursday. My first experience losing someone this close to me, the feelings, emotions, and happenings are worthy of a whole new blog post...to be posted later. However, one thing is for sure. Preparing for a funeral can be awkward. My dad's siblings have flown in to stay with my grandma, so we have had plenty of time to sit around and talk. On Saturday evening, soon after we finally arrived in Illinois, Mom, Dad's sister, Grandma, and I were sitting around the living room discussing my future when Dad's older sister, Aunt Cheryl, suddenly became interested in my summer plans.

"Do you have a job this summer, Kristin?" she curiously demanded. When I answered that I would probably just work at the pool again and maybe get a job at my college but that I wasn't really sure, she quickly blurted out that Colorado had many great job opportunities. In addition, she offered me her condo in Boulder for the entire summer, as her daughter (my cousin) who lives in it during school would be in Chile for the summer. Whew! What an offer! I, a girl who has never lived out of Northwest Iowa, could live in a big city...by myself! I texted my best friend--who LOVES Colorado and has camped there many times--and she seemed very interested. My cousin was willing to suggest jobs for us, and we would only need to pay for gas, food, and laundry. Plus, I could finally get some experience living semi-"on my own," since my college is 20 minutes away from home and my mom still does my laundry.

So now I have an AWESOME opportunity. But...it's also a dilemma. My brother graduates in May, I have three friends getting married this summer--one in May, one in June, and one in July. The friend getting married in June is one of my best friends, and I could never imagine missing her wedding. My mom's in the midst of planning a vacation to Virginia Beach to visit her sister and family in the middle of June--I love beaches, not to mention my cousins. I'm sure there are more conflicts that I'm forgetting, but I just can't decide. I could most likely make the wedding, if I drove back or didn't head to Colorado until after the first week of June, but I might miss a free trip to VA and time with my cousins, along with other friend's weddings. But Colorado...GORGEOUS Colorado...

Ah. Decisions. I hate them. Enough said.

There isn't any Alzheimers in Heaven :)

I have no real opinion on change.

It's the end of semester number three and I'm amazed at how much I've grown. My life has changed pretty drastically, my faith has grown remarkably, and the people I call my best friends were strangers a year ago. I started the semester with an almost-boyfriend, developed a real and loving relationship with my mother, watched my favorite cousin get married, decided to become a missionary, changed my major yet again, rejected my old friends, developed some new friends, and experienced the death of my first grandparent.

Through it all, I've decided I have no opinion on change. I used to love change: I rearranged my room at least once a month, cut my hair drastically once a year, dyed my hair often, and was constantly shopping for clothing to fit my "new style." Then I hated change: My brother went off to college; I went off to college; My friends moved on; My ex-boyfriend moved on. And now, after the most overwhelming and spiritually-challenging semester of my life, I both like and dislike change. Thus, I have no real opinion on change. If it's in God's will, it's going to happen. So if change is in God's will, it'll happen. If it's not, it won't.

I love the changing seasons. I love rearranging my room. I love reorganizing. I still love changing my hair, proved by the hair appointment I have next week to chop it all off. I hate change when it involves people (for the most part.)I love getting a new roommate, but I dreadfully miss the deep conversations my old roommates and I had as we fell asleep. I miss my high school friends (who aren't in high school anymore), and I REALLY miss my family and older brother, but I love that my older brother is a genius and already accepted at one med school for next year for sure. I hate change when it involves people (for the most part.) In the past couple days, I have said goodbye to four close friends who I actually may actually never see again. In the past day, I've internally grieved and said goodbye to my grandpa after he passed away. Although, I guess I've been saying goodbye for the past year or so.

Change is good. Change is bad. The point is, change is inevitable. Instead of dwelling on all the negative or positive changes that have happened this year, I prefer to lavish in Christ's love and God's unique creation that enables change (or no change!).

A new school year brings new responsibilities, decisions, stresses...and distractions.

Sophomore year of college. 19 years old. Not sure if I want to graduate early. Not sure if I want to spend part of my summer studying at Oxford in England in order to graduate early. Not sure if I want a boyfriend. Not sure when I'll be ready for a boyfriend. Not sure if I even have the time to date in college. Not sure if my younger brother is going to survive all the temptations in college. Growing deeper with God everyday--Praise the Lord! Not sure who my real friends are. Not sure who I want to live in an apartment with next year. Not sure. Not sure. So much to decide. So little time.

Involvement:

Residence Life Staff: Resident Assistant for 20 girls. Soccer players, cross country runners, beautiful singers, graphic designers, photographers, education majors, still undecided sophomores, history majors, way too many nursing majors, transfer students, and international student from the Netherlands, Canadians, Americans, Iowans, West Coast residents, single juniors, dating freshmen, engaged sophomores, shy girls, way too loud girls, invisible girls, Christian girls, spiritually unconcerned and uncommitted girls, rich girls, poor girls, middle class girls, cowgirls, ag and farm lovers, city girls, small town girls, cowboy boot wearers, heel wearers, athletic shoe and long shorts wearers, blondes, brunettes, short girls, tall girls, skinny girls, overweight girls, average-sized girls, aunts, sisters, only children, oldest child, youngest child, only daughters. Requirements: Weekly hour-long meeting with the other West Hall Resident Assistants and the Director of Residence Life in the girls' dorms. Biweekly one-on-one hour-long meeting with the Director of Residence Life in the girls' dorms. Two hour get-together will all female staff three times a month. Two hour staff inservice with full Residence Life Staff one a month. Asking each resident for prayer requests once a month. Being "on duty" six days a month (Remain in the building from 7 PM-7 AM on "on duty" nights, do a 15-minute round-walk around the building-each hour, report any illegal behaviors, visit with residents, and be responsible for answering the building cell phone between 5 PM and 7 AM). Planning weekly wing meetings/events. Planning monthly or seasonal building programming (all hall events). Serve on Fiesta Planning Committee. Required 3 hour-long meetings during the community (no classes) block once a week for three weeks.

Student Symposium: RA Rep on Symposium (for lack of a better title and excuse to be on Symposium besides having enough "veterans"). Meets twice a month for 1-2 hours in a business-like environment and setting: large square table, comfortable swivel chairs, Robert's Rules enforced, minutes and agenda provided, business dress required.

Intramurals: Outdoor Co-ed Soccer-1-2 games a week (each an hour long). Volleyball (3 teams: 2 co-ed, 1 women's)-2-4 games a week (each an hour long).

Teacher Education Committee Meeting Student Member: Monthly hour-long meetings with 4 professors and 1 other student member about accepting or rejecting students into the Teacher Education Program. (I approved my own acceptance yesterday--woohoo!)

FACT (Future Active Christian Teachers) Club Board Member: Biweekly meetings for an hour in the afternoon. Planning several events to help education students struggling in classes, learn from student teachers, and better prepare education majors to be Christian teachers in both Christian school and public schools.

Kuyper Scholars' Program Student: Completing extra papers, studies, and presentations outside the regular class. Currently, I'm writing a paper on a devotional book I'm reading and completing a contract in conjunction with my Intro to the Education of the Exceptional Student course which requires 4 2-3 page papers, 1 8-10 page paper, and 1 10-minute speech presented before the Kuyper Scholars and my Education course, along with biweekly hour-long meetings with my Education professor.

BEING A STUDENT: 17.5 Credits. Homework. Papers. Reading textbooks. Projects. Tests. Quizzes. Book reviews. Book reports. PowerPoints. Presentations. etc, etc, etc... Many, many, MANY hours of homework.

BEING A FRIEND: Spending TIME with people. I love it. It's not a requirement, not even a hassle. And yet, it still takes up time.

Add up all the hours, and I think that equals a few more hours than I actually have in one week, month, or even semester.

Now add in my great ability to be distracted, and I'm doomed.

Distractions:
FACEBOOK
Checking and responding to my emails (this honestly takes at least an hour from everyday--mostly due to RA-related emails)
Food-eating in the Commons is arguably the most social event on campus.
Planning my life
Visitors to our room
Music

Yep, I'm screwed.

Jane Austen Lives On.

I want to read all of Jane Austen's books.
I want to join a book club.
I want to read my summer away.
I want to fall in love.

These are the thoughts that echo through my head after finishing the two-hour, The Jane Austen Book Club movie. I watched the movie alone, in my room, in my nifty little theater setup (my queen-sized bed faces the dresser that is topped with a DVD player and small, flat-screen TV). Now before you exit out of this browser or decide to find a more noteworthy blog to read, realize that The Jane Austen Book Club movie is not filled with proper English men and woman prancing around at balls and falling in love like her books seem to overflow with. And for the record, from the experience I have with Jane Austen, that is a TERRIBLE description of her novels, but that topic is for another day.

WARNING: Spoilers included.

The Jane Austen Book Club is set in a present-day, New York City-type city, filled with numerous Starbucks Coffee shops, suburbs, yellow taxis, and an airport. Yet, as the story goes on, one might think the story could take place in any sort of community...even one's own. The Jane Austen Book Club is made up of complicated people, a few strangers, but several interconnected. A mother, who's husband just left her for a woman from the office after many years of happy marriage; her free-spirited, lesbian daughter; a family friend, completely obsessed with dogs and completely not obsessed with men; a science-fiction loving man the dog lover invites to distract the divorcee from her problems at home; an older family friend, looking for a man to make her seventh husband; and a stubborn and serious high school French teacher, who is in love with a male student, fights constantly with her uninterested husband, and solely desires to be the opposite of her psychotic, suicidal mother.

The themes the movie addresses are mature: suicide, gay couples, divorce, affairs, etc..., yet grippingly real. The movie speaks volumes, I believe, because the themes are so grippingly real. Today, everyone in the world could relate to one of the many themes, if not perfectly identify with one or more of them. The trick The Jane Austen Book Club uses is the double theme-identifying within the movie. As the group peruses through the six Austen novels--each member responsible for leading the discussions on one--characters draw conclusions, opinions, and themes from the novels based on their own, current situations at home. The lesbian lover sees Austen characters' problems occuring because one or more of them are secretly gay and afraid to admit it. The divorced housewife despises every mention of love, marriage, or forever, and the science-fiction lover simply relates everything to his science-fiction books, a topic the women have a hard time relating to.

As the movie unfolds, the viewer becomes enveloped and involved in each of the characters' lives. The Austen characters remain elusive, unless familiar with each novel, but the Book Club members become close friends to the viewer, as the director forces one to feel the pain Trudy--the French teacher--feels as she attends her own mother's funeral only to witness her elusive husband 'hitting on' a former class rival of Trudy's.

So, in a society filled with sappy, predictable chic flicks such as the most recent, Letters to Juliet, viewers may find hope in a realistic, surprising film. Never fear, however, all ends happily. That is, if you're alright with a woman being married seven times, premarital sex, and gay couples--three aspects of the ending I would definitely have changed.

Poetry's never been my favorite...

So this is the cheesiest thing you'll probably ever read.

A little background first...

After moving home from my first year of college and seeing the massive amount of 'stuff' I have, I decided to sort through EVERYTHING and toss A LOT! My cleaning motto: "If I haven't needed it in the past nine months and it doesn't have immense sentimental value, toss it!" While going through a rough tote filled with middle school and high school memories, I stumbled across some poetry written during high school. They all are very reminiscent of the high school female mind: boys, boys, boys, and whatever activities she is involved in (my love was volleyball). I decided to share a few of the poems I wrote. Feel free to laugh long and hard at their cheesiness.

These first two were written during my sophomore year.

A Remarkable Remembrance - by Kristin Janssen

It is a remarkable remembrance
Fame was knocking
at the door,
Or was it shame?
Four games played.
Two ours, two theirs,
And one left...
Undecided, unpredictable,
Like tomorrow,
Like the rest of your life.
Please God, I prayed,
Don't let me weaken
Under the deafening silence
Of the fidgeting fans
And my tense teammates.
I want to courageously
S M A C K
the
ball
down...
Right in the face of despair!

It is a remarkable remembrance.
Fame was knocking at the door.
Five games played.
Three ours, two theirs.
Thank you God, I prayed.
For letting me
Face my greatest foe!
Amen.


A Lifetime in the Sand - by Kristin Janssen

A footprint is a lifetime
printed in the sand.
A story untold,
Identity unknown.
One man's
laughter,
joy,
and tears,
Scrawled below
on the cool, breezy beach.
Questions unanswered,
Thoughts kept safe,
Hidden below
a few grains of sand.
Where has he been?
What makes him laugh?
Why does he cry?
Whom does he love?
More questions left
drifting alone,
Floating through life,
Now all disappear.
One man's
life,
love,
and prayer,
Kept in the sand
'till the ocean
captures the memories
and washes them away.

This last one was written during my senior year during a poetry unit taught by our student teacher in Compostion/Brit Lit. I'm only including the first stanza to save you from the pain of reading such a pathetic poem.

Lasting Love - by Kristin Janssen

To me, dear one, you are the air I breathe
For love lasts longer than till tomorrow.
Your presence I desire never to leave,
Lest my lungs be consumed with the sorrow.

Wooo. Blogging.

This is my most likely FAILED attempt at blogging. I have another blog, kristintheteacher.blogspot.com, that is all about my education and path to becoming a teacher or whatever God has planned for my future. Now I decided to create a general blog where I can write my thoughts, opinions, happenings, etc...

Right now I'm sitting in my dorm's lodge working on other homework, so I just want to reflect on the song that has been playing on repeat in my iTunes all afternoon and evening. It is probably one of the happiest, freest songs I've heard in a long time. It also might be more meaningful for those who picture someone in place of the word 'you' in the song, but I like it all the same. Feeling down? Feeling happy? Feeling extremely excited!? Feeling absolutely nothing at all? Listen to it anyways. Here it is...

Smile by Uncle Kracker

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your life
Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it's okay, yeah it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

Chorus
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

Chorus

Don´t know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Chorus

Ohh you make me smile
Ohh you make me smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaIpdMZN3E0