Visualize this

Imagine with me for just one minute, just to appease my romantic edge.  This imagery spurred from my last post.

The bride's walking down the aisle.. tears streaming down her face.  She's about to reach the front when she hesitates, takes a smaller step, looks at her proud father, then turns back to the crowd.  A small murmur begins in the crowd.  "She's done this before," you hear someone say.  "Not again," another calls out, louder this time.  The bride's tears continue and the weak smile on her face disappears when she hears the crowd.  She releases her hand from her father's and begins to turn to walk back down the aisle and out of the church.

Just then, something calls her attention back to the front of the beautifully decorated sanctuary and she notices her fiance once again.  He's beckoning for her to come forward.  His eyes are lovingly patient with her hesitation, but His hands are extended towards her tenderly, and the corners of His lips are turned up in a radiant smile as He gently and calmly whispers, "Come away with me, my beloved. I will love you always. I will never leave you, nor forsake you. I am yours and you are mine. Abide in me, and I in you. Forever and ever, Amen."

Pretty beautiful, huh? Now although this would definitely bring tears to my eyes if I saw it at a wedding, the visual was intended as a symbol of the relationship between Christ (the groom) and His bride (the church).  That means we, as His body and church, are the bride.  As we turn away, become distracted, and hesitate and fail time and again to fully love God, He remains firm, standing there, in all of his splendor and glory.  He stands there, in front of a mocking crowd full of hate, deceit, and idols, and simply beckons us come and follow Him.

How freaking sweet is that?!

With more love than our new groom or bride will ever shower upon us, He reaches His arms out to us, greets us with a warmer smile, and asks us to abide in Him and let Him abide in us (Jn. 15). I'm so pumped for Heaven.  I want that to be what brings chills to my arms and tears to my eyes--not some earthly love that will fail me and will let me down--but that beautiful, Heavenly love found only at the throne of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

What a great God we serve!

Deeper, wider, stronger

If you know me at all, you'll know I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.  Hopeless not because I think romance doesn't exist, but because I don't think a 6'2'', brunette man with a five o'clock shadow who loves Jesus more than anything in His life is going to come riding up to me on a beautiful white stallion as the gorgeous Iowa sun sets behind Him, sweep me away, and carry me off to happily ever after.  It simply doesn't happen.  I mean, in storybooks, dreams, and fairytales, YES. That sort of craziness happens all the time.

But I'm still a fan of romance.  Chic flicks have always been my favorite.  I was dreaming of wedding dresses long before I was dreaming of boys.  I hated it when my dad yelled "MUSH!" at the screen during any kiss because I thought they were beautiful.  For the longest time, I wanted to be a wedding planner so that I could make that special day extra special for everyone.  After that dream fell through, photography became my passion because I wanted to catch all the beautiful moments involved in any part of love stories.  Today, well, I just spent six weeks teaching English in China, and although I did teach my kids about weddings and even help them dress one another in toilet paper wedding dresses, I don't know that my future will involve as hands-on involvement in weddings as I'd originally hoped.

Still, in the disappointment of that shattered dream, I'm finding a beauty in the lessons God's able to show me and teach me through it.  This struck me tonight as I listened to a favorite song by Phil Wickham.  Here are a few of my favorite lines:

I see your face in every sunrise; the colors of the morning are inside your eyes.
I look up to the skies and sing; You're beautiful.
Soon we will be coming Home; You're beautiful.
When we arrive at eternity's shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We lift you up as the wedding bells play; Your Bride will come together and we'll sing--You're beautiful.

I'm not a fan of that "Jesus is my boyfriend" or "I don't need you, someone who loves me already died for me" craze where hundreds of college-aged girls are swearing off boys because Jesus is the "only boy I'll ever need." Although there might be some good original intentions to that, the idea as a whole is crazy talk.

However, as a single girl, it's rough to see friends falling in love, getting engaged, married, and beginning families when none of that is anywhere in sight in my own life.  I love to dream about the man who will one day love me so incredibly much more than any past boyfriend or friend has and will treat me like the beautiful daughter of God He sees me as because He knows it brings glory to our Heavenly Father. I'm pumped for that, but I also know that God's got some pretty awesome timing in His plans for my life. So if today's not the day I'm going to meet a brother I might spend the rest of my life, who cares? Every day is created for me to serve God and love God because He loves me so incredibly much, sent His Son to die for me, and demands it of me.

So between that song and the "He is jealous for me...Oh how He loves me..." song, I don't know how I'll ever be able to run from God's love again.  He loves me deeper, wider, and stronger than my parents ever will.  He loves me more than my brothers, my friends, my grandparents, and yes, more than even that knight in shining armor who will one day appear ever will be able to... no matter how hard he tries :) God's love will always be there. It will never fail, leave me, or forsake me in any way.  It is eternal, everlasting, and unchangeable.

What a great God we serve!

Forever Reign

There's so much beauty and truth, grace and redemption, love and forgiveness... in all of these lyrics.
God is good, love, light, hope, peace, true, joy, life, more, Lord, here, God, and so much more than even those names alone. God is the head of all things. God created all things.

Take those beautiful truths and think about them for a minute. That thought you just had.. God put that there.  That movement you just made, God allowed it to happen.  That breath you just took.. God's responsible for that one, too. I bet you blinked recently. God created that tiny movement for its own special purpose.

God created YOU for HIS own special purpose. He is so good, so loving, such a bright light, the one true hope, everlasting peace, the only truth, eternal joy, LIFE, and so much more, more, more. Ah. LOVE it. LOVE these lyrics.

Want more just like this from His actual Word?  Hit up the Psalms.  They're full of beautiful, poetic lyrics like Hillsong came up with.  But the coolest thing is, the Psalms weren't written by Hillsong.  Nope, those are GOD's words. Go check them out! Psalm 1, 63, 84, and 139 are my personal faves.

Read them, look them up and listen to them being sung, sing them, meditate on them, rejoice in them, and be thankful--so thankful--for them.

Forever Reign -- Hillsong
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love 
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light 
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy 
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms, 
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing 
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

 

And the winner is...

For those of you who've been intimidated by my latest incredibly long blogs and avoided reading them, or have simply missed the news...

I'm heading to China in ONE MONTH! That's right. I leave June 28th and return August 6th.  I'll teach English to some middle school and high school students for three weeks after one week of training, then head to another country for one week of exploring the more long-term focus of the program I'm traveling through.

Until today, I had no idea which country I'd be headed to for that final week.  I mean, Laos and Cambodia were my top choices, and my coordinator said I'd most likely head to one of those.  I picked Laos because I have a friend whose sister is teaching there, but I've never met the sister or even heard about her experiences, so I have no real connection there.

The story about my Cambodia choice is pretty comparable.  A friend of a friend spent a year or semester or some extended period of time in Cambodia with YWAM and told me a little bit about her experiences when I met her at Tulip Festival (If you don't know what Tulip Festival is, Google it, then come to Orange City next year for the third weekend in May.  It's awesome, seriously.) last year.  I somehow developed a deep passion for girls caught in the sex slavery trade, so when Joy--my friend's friend--told me this was a huge issue in Cambodia, the country received the same passionate vigor.

So, I put down Laos and Cambodia as my first two choices and waited and waited and waited to hear back.  Seriously, I'm not the most patient person in the world, and I applied way back in August, so I've been waiting for quite a while.

But.. TODAY.. I found out that I will be headed to CAMBODIA for that fifth week of the English teaching program.  I'm pumped.  Part of me wishes I were doing something with the sex trade rescue missions now that I'm heading there, but who knows what God has in store for me in the future.. or even in that week!

Anyways, that's an update on my life...

I'll be traveling with Brendon, Rick, Michelle, Candise, Rachel, Abby, Joy, and our team's leader Amanda (a Dordt alum--woohoo!) to Hong Kong, and then on to Cambodia in approximately ONE MONTH.

People ask me if I'm ready.  Yes, I mean, no. I mean I don't know. I haven't really thought about packing. I'm kind of scared out of my mind. But the money's all in... in a more amazing way than I could ever have imagined. WOW. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever be ready. It's China.. I've never been there before. I'm teaching something I've never taught before. Heck, I'm teaching and I've never even really taught my own class before.

However, if you ask me if I'm excited, I'll respond with an exuberant YES! God has been faithful, so incredibly faithful, patient, loving, and grace-giving over this past year, and I know that He's going to pour that same beautiful character of His through me, my teammates, and the students I teach this summer.

One month, four days, bringing God's kingdom to China HERE I COME!

Shoot. This blog got long, too. Sorry for you reading-haters.

Short summary--China in 1 month. From there to Cambodia for the last week of July/first week of August. I'm incredibly scared and awesomely excited at the same time.  Not even sure how that's possible, but God is good.  SO GOOD.

Bittersweet: My Favorite Word

Seriously, it is. I don't know how many innumerable times I've described my feelings as just that. Bittersweet. The big days were certainly that--David moving to college, high school graduation, Grandpa's funeral, first day of college, last day of each year of college, the list goes on.  Each of these days are "bittersweet" because they're just that. They're both "bitter" and "sweet." Most of those big days also involve big changes, which makes the bittersweetness of them self-explanatory.  Obviously it's "sweet," happy, exciting, etc... for new changes to occur, but the "bitterness" comes with the old that isn't a part of my life anymore.

Grandpa died--a bitter thing--but I can have hope that He's in Heaven with our Savior--the most sweetest thing.  High school ended, along with many friendships, routines, activities, etc... That was pretty bitter. However, the sweetness of the friendships that have lasted, new relationships that have formed, and lessons I've learned from it all continues to grow every day.

I could describe those further, but I think you probably get the point. I'm even betting that you have many of these same bittersweet moments of your own. Everyone does.

However, because I love thinking of the contradictions in the word "bittersweet" and so often use the word to describe my feelings, I think I experience these moments more often than normal.  Because of that, today, a normal summer Tuesday, was bittersweet for me.  Here's why:

Today I slept in, worked out, went to work, dinner with friends, came home, filled out some financial aid stuff, packed for the Nykamp wedding in Kansas, and am now lying in bed watching old One Tree Hill episodes while writing this blog.

Working out--sweet--I love it, I really do.

Working at Butler's--bitter--I'm really not a fan. There's an incredible amount of drama there. The managers play favorites, and I somehow didn't make the cut.  Plus, today I found out that for some crazy reason I wasn't scheduled at all next week.  However, the 5ish new employees all get scheduled, and the boss's favorites have over 30 hours.  I just don't get it. With a trip to China and busy semester ahead, quitting may be a decision I need to make in the near future.  Driving 20 miles for stress and unfairness just doesn't seem worth it.

Delicious spaghetti at the Fruited Plain with friends--sweet, obviously--Good food, good company, good times.

Filling out the forms--bitter--only a reminder of how poor I really am. And the lack of hours next week didn't help.

So here's the really bitter part... I came home from work and dinner after missing my pool meeting for the summer only to find that I was give less than part-time hours at the pool for the entire month of June. Add to that my frustrations about Butler's and the FAFSA forms, and I was pretty much stressed beyond belief.

Fortunately, some sweetness came in.. in the midst of filling out FAFSA stuff, I checked my email only to find out my placement to CAMBODIA after four weeks in Hong Kong and names and email addresses of my teammates for my entire 5 weeks in Asia coming up later this summer. I was stoked! Cambodia was my first choice, so I'm so, so incredibly excited to see how God may use me and what He'll show me through another culture of His people.

Unfortunately, thinking about the five weeks I'll be spending in China NOT making money soon brought back my feelings of bitterness. Tears streamed down my face as I spent the next hour frantically searching and applying for all the jobs I could find online in the area.  Mom and I wracked our brains for ideas, I emailed a couple of the lifeguards I knew would be busy with softball and let them know I'd gladly work for them, and kept job-searching and applying.

Exhausted and still needing to pack for my weekend trip to Kansas, I headed down to my room.  Suddenly, and even as I'm writing this, it's dawned on me that I haven't taken a moment to pray. In the midst of the stress and frustration, I never even thought until I began writing this how many times God tells me not to worry.  And here I am worrying.  Worrying about money, no less... the one thing God calls the "root of all evil."

Do you see the bittersweetness of my day?

I sure do.

Fortunately, I'm ending the day rejoicing in the sweetness of God's grace.  His grace that forgives me a thousand times over when I forget to call on Him, worry about money instead of His kingdom, and neglect the promises He's made to bless me and uphold me in His own way.  What a beautiful testimony this once bittersweet, now simply sweet day has been to God's grace and lovingkindness.

So what if I work 15 hours a week or find random and miserable lawn mowing jobs to add a few extra bucks to my bank account?


Daughter, He calls to me in the midst of the anger and confusion, trust in me.


But Dad, I reply, I need to pay for college.  I need to buy a car.  I need to put gas in that car, food in my mouth, money in the bank for rent.  I don't even have a dependable job. I'm sick of using every paycheck to pay my bills.  I'm sick of being poor, I angrily exclaim.


Daughter, trust in me.  He repeats.  Trust in me, trust in me, trust in me.  


And with that repeated command and promise, I'm content.  I'm at peace.  I'm resting in His everlasting sweetness.

Only He has my best interests at heart.  Only He knows what those are.  Only in Him will I place my trust.  Only in Him can I do all things.  Only in Him can I find the hope to get through another couple months of living paycheck-to-paycheck.  Only through Him will I be able to seek out the sweetness and rid the bitterness from my days.

Why "only in Him"? Isn't it obvious?

He is good, He is good, when there's nothing good in me.
Amen.

The Gospel as a Fairy Tale

I apologize in advance for this crazy spacing.. I can't figure out how to fix it...

I used the following story as an illustration in one of my final reflective essays over a book called Telling the Truth by Frederick Buechner.  Buechner's kind of a crazy old liberal, but the gist of His book makes sense to me.  The book talks about the Gospel as tragedy, comedy, and a fairy tale.  The tragedy is our horrendous sinfulness.  The comedy is that we are still forgiven, loved, cherished, and bled for by God's own Son.  Finally, the fairy tale is the Gospel's story of God's "extraordinary" love that makes "extraordinary things happen to [sinners] just as in fairy tales extraordinary things happen."  That's what the small commentaries about Buechner, tragedy, comedy, and fairy tale are about.

So, check out this conversation that went down in Sunday School this past Sunday.  I had just told the kids the story of Cleopas and his friend and their walk from Jerusalem to Emmaus.  As Cleopas and his friend are walking, they are discussing how sad they are that Jesus' body is missing from the tomb.  The women have told them that He is alive, but no one has seen Jesus, so Cleopas and his friend still believe His body has been stolen or something.  Jesus joins the friends while walking, but they do not recognize Him.  When they reach Emmaus, Jesus breaks bread for communion and reveals Himself to the men.  As suddenly as they realize who He is, Jesus disappears.  Cleopas and his friend journey back to Jerusalem to tell the 11 disciples that Jesus is alive.  At the end of the story, they are rejoicing and happy because JESUS IS ALIVE!   

This is beautiful.  The next generation is going to be spreading the Gospel like a pandemic.

“Kids, should we be happy or sad about this story?”  

“Sad!”  

“Why?”

“Because Jesus died.”  Wow.  I never get anything but “GOD!” on the first response.

Okay, so I’ll go in that direction.  “That’s right.  Why did Jesus have to die?”

“Sins!”  Where are these answers coming from?  We talked about that two weeks ago, and these kids rarely remember a word from the memory verses we work on each week.  Whatever the case, I decided to keep prodding answers out of these kids.

“Right, Dakota! And whose sins?”

“God’s!”  Oops.  There’s that “GOD!” answer as usual.  “No, Jackson, ours!”  The female twin just corrected her fraternal brother’s answer.  I am so impressed right now!

“That’s right, guys, we should be sad because Jesus had to die because of ours sins, because we are naughty and don’t listen to our parents, hit our brothers and sisters, steal candy when Mom and Dad aren’t looking, and don’t listen to our Sunday school teachers.  We should be very sad that Jesus had to die because we are naughty.  But can we be happy, or do we always have to be sad?”

“Happy!” This was a chorus of shouts from all of the kids except the boy who was chewing on his toes in the corner.  I had sent him to the ‘timeout’ chair in the corner before this conversation began. 

“Right!  We can be happy!  Do you know why?”  Here comes Buechner’s “comedy” (7).

“Because Jesus is alive!  Because of  the big stone!”  We acted out the stone being rolled away from the tomb in a previous week.  That’s what she meant by that.  But still, wow. 

“Yes! Because Jesus died and now lives!” 

I went on to describe how Jesus died on the cross because we were supposed to die for our own sins and was buried in the tomb, and then came to life again.  Because of our tragedy, Jesus lived out the comedy.  I explained to the kids that because Jesus lived after dying for our sins, we no longer had to die for our sins.  This is the truth of Gospel.  By mere coincidence, no, by God’s great and extraordinary means, I was able to share the Gospel story of tragedy, comedy, and fairy tale with my students. The kids listened, were attentive, and learned what God was using me to teach them.

As a future teacher, this has been the most exciting teaching moment of my entire pre-service experience.  I do not know that any student teaching or future teaching experience will be able to top it.  An entire room of preschoolers understood the Gospel.  As I explained more and got more excited, my students got just as excited.   Eventually, I was standing, bouncing, and jumping next to the table they were seated at.  

"Yes, kids.  That's right!  We should be sad because we are sinful and Jesus had to die because of that.  But we can be happy, we can be SO happy (this is where I started jumping) because Jesus is alive.  And because of that, we can be alive in Him!"  I was trembling at this point and covered with goosebumps at the beauty of the Gospel.

“Jesus is alive, Jesus is alive!” They chanted and sang as they followed me upstairs to their parents after Sunday school.  

Cute, yes, but they understood what this meant.  They knew the tragedy of the Gospel.  They understood the comedy that “Jesus is alive,” and they knew that they could live a fairy tale because of that.  However, unlike fairy tales, this story is REAL.

So wonderful.  So, so, beautifully wonderful.  Praise the Lord for His amazing faithfulness.