Forever is a long time...

Ever have one of those things you're really struggling with? Like big changes coming in your life, big decisions to make, and things like that?

As a senior in college, those things smack me in the face every second of the day.  It seems like every person I know wants to know what I'm doing come May 11... the day after graduation from the place that's changed my life. To be honest, at times I just get plain sick of people asking. Here have been my most recent answers...

• I don't know!
• Wherever God sends me.
• Africa yo. For a year, then we'll see.
• Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll just apply to schools in a bunch of random cities like Des Moines, Minneapolis, etc..., and move to one. This one's sounding especially exciting right now.
• Well there's this cool school in Indonesia...
• I really loved Cambodia. Like seriously, I want to go change the world there.
• Sioux Center? I love way too many people who aren't graduating this year.
• Oh wait, ELIC just came on campus. You can commit for only 11 months IN CAMBODIA and then make bigger decisions?! SWEET!

So with all of those options... and basically the freedom to move wherever in the world I feel called to teach, I've been a bit overwhelmed during the past couple weeks. Add to that the amazing friendships I've recently been developing with underclassmen, including some amazing freshmen girls, and I really just want to stay at Dordt for another 10 years with all of the same people still here. Unfortunately, that's not possible...

And then today God brought one of those awesome and encouraging answers into my head. I was listening to some Christian praise song or something and the gist of the song's lyrics was about how we'll all worship God together forever someday in Heaven. I seriously don't remember what the song was, otherwise I'd write some better lyrics in here than that poor summary I typed.

But anyways, that got me thinking. It doesn't matter where I am in two months. It doesn't matter where I am in 20 years. I mean, it doesn't matter when I think about where everyone else at Dordt ends up in relation to me. Someday I'll be reunited with all these stinkin' awesome people in Heaven and it'll be the most glorious reunion of my entire life.

That reality doesn't mean I'm not going to keep struggling or bawl my eyes out at graduation or cry myself to sleep the night before I move away. But it does mean I might experience a tiny bit less homesickness, and it definitely means I can keep finding joy in the beautiful chapters and experiences God keeps blessing me with, regardless of whether I'm surrounded by my best friends or not.

Dordt.

I don't want to leave this place.. these people.

The end.

Visualize this

Imagine with me for just one minute, just to appease my romantic edge.  This imagery spurred from my last post.

The bride's walking down the aisle.. tears streaming down her face.  She's about to reach the front when she hesitates, takes a smaller step, looks at her proud father, then turns back to the crowd.  A small murmur begins in the crowd.  "She's done this before," you hear someone say.  "Not again," another calls out, louder this time.  The bride's tears continue and the weak smile on her face disappears when she hears the crowd.  She releases her hand from her father's and begins to turn to walk back down the aisle and out of the church.

Just then, something calls her attention back to the front of the beautifully decorated sanctuary and she notices her fiance once again.  He's beckoning for her to come forward.  His eyes are lovingly patient with her hesitation, but His hands are extended towards her tenderly, and the corners of His lips are turned up in a radiant smile as He gently and calmly whispers, "Come away with me, my beloved. I will love you always. I will never leave you, nor forsake you. I am yours and you are mine. Abide in me, and I in you. Forever and ever, Amen."

Pretty beautiful, huh? Now although this would definitely bring tears to my eyes if I saw it at a wedding, the visual was intended as a symbol of the relationship between Christ (the groom) and His bride (the church).  That means we, as His body and church, are the bride.  As we turn away, become distracted, and hesitate and fail time and again to fully love God, He remains firm, standing there, in all of his splendor and glory.  He stands there, in front of a mocking crowd full of hate, deceit, and idols, and simply beckons us come and follow Him.

How freaking sweet is that?!

With more love than our new groom or bride will ever shower upon us, He reaches His arms out to us, greets us with a warmer smile, and asks us to abide in Him and let Him abide in us (Jn. 15). I'm so pumped for Heaven.  I want that to be what brings chills to my arms and tears to my eyes--not some earthly love that will fail me and will let me down--but that beautiful, Heavenly love found only at the throne of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

What a great God we serve!

Deeper, wider, stronger

If you know me at all, you'll know I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.  Hopeless not because I think romance doesn't exist, but because I don't think a 6'2'', brunette man with a five o'clock shadow who loves Jesus more than anything in His life is going to come riding up to me on a beautiful white stallion as the gorgeous Iowa sun sets behind Him, sweep me away, and carry me off to happily ever after.  It simply doesn't happen.  I mean, in storybooks, dreams, and fairytales, YES. That sort of craziness happens all the time.

But I'm still a fan of romance.  Chic flicks have always been my favorite.  I was dreaming of wedding dresses long before I was dreaming of boys.  I hated it when my dad yelled "MUSH!" at the screen during any kiss because I thought they were beautiful.  For the longest time, I wanted to be a wedding planner so that I could make that special day extra special for everyone.  After that dream fell through, photography became my passion because I wanted to catch all the beautiful moments involved in any part of love stories.  Today, well, I just spent six weeks teaching English in China, and although I did teach my kids about weddings and even help them dress one another in toilet paper wedding dresses, I don't know that my future will involve as hands-on involvement in weddings as I'd originally hoped.

Still, in the disappointment of that shattered dream, I'm finding a beauty in the lessons God's able to show me and teach me through it.  This struck me tonight as I listened to a favorite song by Phil Wickham.  Here are a few of my favorite lines:

I see your face in every sunrise; the colors of the morning are inside your eyes.
I look up to the skies and sing; You're beautiful.
Soon we will be coming Home; You're beautiful.
When we arrive at eternity's shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We lift you up as the wedding bells play; Your Bride will come together and we'll sing--You're beautiful.

I'm not a fan of that "Jesus is my boyfriend" or "I don't need you, someone who loves me already died for me" craze where hundreds of college-aged girls are swearing off boys because Jesus is the "only boy I'll ever need." Although there might be some good original intentions to that, the idea as a whole is crazy talk.

However, as a single girl, it's rough to see friends falling in love, getting engaged, married, and beginning families when none of that is anywhere in sight in my own life.  I love to dream about the man who will one day love me so incredibly much more than any past boyfriend or friend has and will treat me like the beautiful daughter of God He sees me as because He knows it brings glory to our Heavenly Father. I'm pumped for that, but I also know that God's got some pretty awesome timing in His plans for my life. So if today's not the day I'm going to meet a brother I might spend the rest of my life, who cares? Every day is created for me to serve God and love God because He loves me so incredibly much, sent His Son to die for me, and demands it of me.

So between that song and the "He is jealous for me...Oh how He loves me..." song, I don't know how I'll ever be able to run from God's love again.  He loves me deeper, wider, and stronger than my parents ever will.  He loves me more than my brothers, my friends, my grandparents, and yes, more than even that knight in shining armor who will one day appear ever will be able to... no matter how hard he tries :) God's love will always be there. It will never fail, leave me, or forsake me in any way.  It is eternal, everlasting, and unchangeable.

What a great God we serve!

Forever Reign

There's so much beauty and truth, grace and redemption, love and forgiveness... in all of these lyrics.
God is good, love, light, hope, peace, true, joy, life, more, Lord, here, God, and so much more than even those names alone. God is the head of all things. God created all things.

Take those beautiful truths and think about them for a minute. That thought you just had.. God put that there.  That movement you just made, God allowed it to happen.  That breath you just took.. God's responsible for that one, too. I bet you blinked recently. God created that tiny movement for its own special purpose.

God created YOU for HIS own special purpose. He is so good, so loving, such a bright light, the one true hope, everlasting peace, the only truth, eternal joy, LIFE, and so much more, more, more. Ah. LOVE it. LOVE these lyrics.

Want more just like this from His actual Word?  Hit up the Psalms.  They're full of beautiful, poetic lyrics like Hillsong came up with.  But the coolest thing is, the Psalms weren't written by Hillsong.  Nope, those are GOD's words. Go check them out! Psalm 1, 63, 84, and 139 are my personal faves.

Read them, look them up and listen to them being sung, sing them, meditate on them, rejoice in them, and be thankful--so thankful--for them.

Forever Reign -- Hillsong
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love 
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light 
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy 
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life, 
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms, 
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing 
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

 

And the winner is...

For those of you who've been intimidated by my latest incredibly long blogs and avoided reading them, or have simply missed the news...

I'm heading to China in ONE MONTH! That's right. I leave June 28th and return August 6th.  I'll teach English to some middle school and high school students for three weeks after one week of training, then head to another country for one week of exploring the more long-term focus of the program I'm traveling through.

Until today, I had no idea which country I'd be headed to for that final week.  I mean, Laos and Cambodia were my top choices, and my coordinator said I'd most likely head to one of those.  I picked Laos because I have a friend whose sister is teaching there, but I've never met the sister or even heard about her experiences, so I have no real connection there.

The story about my Cambodia choice is pretty comparable.  A friend of a friend spent a year or semester or some extended period of time in Cambodia with YWAM and told me a little bit about her experiences when I met her at Tulip Festival (If you don't know what Tulip Festival is, Google it, then come to Orange City next year for the third weekend in May.  It's awesome, seriously.) last year.  I somehow developed a deep passion for girls caught in the sex slavery trade, so when Joy--my friend's friend--told me this was a huge issue in Cambodia, the country received the same passionate vigor.

So, I put down Laos and Cambodia as my first two choices and waited and waited and waited to hear back.  Seriously, I'm not the most patient person in the world, and I applied way back in August, so I've been waiting for quite a while.

But.. TODAY.. I found out that I will be headed to CAMBODIA for that fifth week of the English teaching program.  I'm pumped.  Part of me wishes I were doing something with the sex trade rescue missions now that I'm heading there, but who knows what God has in store for me in the future.. or even in that week!

Anyways, that's an update on my life...

I'll be traveling with Brendon, Rick, Michelle, Candise, Rachel, Abby, Joy, and our team's leader Amanda (a Dordt alum--woohoo!) to Hong Kong, and then on to Cambodia in approximately ONE MONTH.

People ask me if I'm ready.  Yes, I mean, no. I mean I don't know. I haven't really thought about packing. I'm kind of scared out of my mind. But the money's all in... in a more amazing way than I could ever have imagined. WOW. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever be ready. It's China.. I've never been there before. I'm teaching something I've never taught before. Heck, I'm teaching and I've never even really taught my own class before.

However, if you ask me if I'm excited, I'll respond with an exuberant YES! God has been faithful, so incredibly faithful, patient, loving, and grace-giving over this past year, and I know that He's going to pour that same beautiful character of His through me, my teammates, and the students I teach this summer.

One month, four days, bringing God's kingdom to China HERE I COME!

Shoot. This blog got long, too. Sorry for you reading-haters.

Short summary--China in 1 month. From there to Cambodia for the last week of July/first week of August. I'm incredibly scared and awesomely excited at the same time.  Not even sure how that's possible, but God is good.  SO GOOD.